THE QUIETER YOU BECOME, THE MORE YOU CAN HEAR.

"I don't talk much, because sometimes when I speak, I don't make sense.

 I'd rather keep my mouth shut but not my mind."

my out of boredom creation :'>

 I contemplate a lot about anything. Like why people get mad, why he/she reacted that way, how could they say such awful things towards a person, how hypocrites they can be, how the world works, how love can be so strong that it changes us, how money can control us and drives us like we tend to forget that we're humans- we're living our lives, we're here to influence good and spread love, not for that one piece of paper - but hey, it's how it is now, how ironic is the world we live in, I bet you already know that, but did you ever have that moment when you forget about it? Did you ever think that we're not really different from each other? That we all crave for love, attention, lust, and all things good. How we want people to notice us, to adore us, to understand us, to like us, to love us, to accept us for who we are; that the only difference among all of us is, that how we do things. All of us have different ways of dealing shit/bullshit. I have my own way of dealing shit on everything. It's in the person and its own perception of how life is and all. 

I am a Lil bit ambivalent. I want to fathom every word my mind is telling me. I want to penetrate my brain and just spit out all the hurricane of words. I want to speak up and prove to myself that I can, somehow, but I always get tangled and ending up like I have nothing to say. When people ask me questions, I find myself responding "I don't know" or answering them with short statement when actually, I have a lot to say, to share, but I couldn't. I want to socialize and talk to people. I admire people who can just do it naturally. I mean how do they do that? It's just that I'm awkward sometimes. I don't know how to keep a conversation going. I let my "weirdness" take over the sitch and hope not to scare people off.

I've become this quite type of girl in 2013. You know, you see me in the corners, alone, reading a book or I have my earphones in. That's what I've observed or at least knew. I wasn't like this before. I'm still worried about it or maybe it's just that I have found my own solitude. I can be alone without feeling lonely at all, as if I'm sitting with my thoughts and just start to imagine things that aren't from this world or from my world, specifically. I don't know, I just find it comforting sometimes and it makes me realize things that I've never ever thought of knowing before. I've been through a lot. I realized that sometimes when we have felt too much emotion, it's possible that you couldn't feel anything anymore when it happens again to you. You just accept and suck it up unless it's worth fighting for.

I had realizations. I changed. I learned. I have a small circle of friends now than before. I knew who my real friends are. I see things. I notice. I understand but I don't speak up. I remain quiet about them.
I am still finding my way through this churning universe and say "Oh! There you are! I've been looking for you" but in reality, every single day, we are growing up and in that process, we are slowly finding ourselves in the most restive and anomalous way and on the most recondite time. 

ps: this has been in my draft box for too long and I thought of just publishing it so yeah that's all.